Me? A critic? Shut the front door!

Well, much has happened since my last post and I am keeping my promise to not promise to update often. I told you!

First things first: I submitted my dissertation proposal (feel free to applaud; I'm bowing whether or not you are, so it would simply be silly if you didn't participate now). Now, I await the assignment of a dissertation supervisor and then the real work will begin!

It has been a very difficult road this term. I'm not going to lie to you, my dear bloggersphere: I wanted to quit a number of times, but I am very slowly beginning to see the light of day once more. Callie and I happened upon an epiphany this week that really helped me and revolutionised the way we are going about our writing. We realised that at this stage in our educational career, we have been endowed with critical powers!

Yep, that's right, I'm basically supposed to be a literary superhero now. I must don my cape of criticality and come to radically awesome conclusions about a text that have never before been excavated! I shall be: Scholastic Sara! Able to leap to literary conclusions in a single sentence!

And this basically scares me to death.

I've always been taught to make an assertion and then back it up, back it up, back. it. up! "Evidence, evidence, evidence!" was my battle cry, but now, that's not good enough. I do not mean that in a sarcastic way. I mean that at an MA level, I am held to a higher standard of writing; I am now expected to add my own views to the world of literary criticism. I don't know when exactly I crossed this threshold of responsibility; perhaps it was the day I graduated from Biola or the moment I stepped on the plane to come to Leeds, but I'm the critic now. Of course I must still research extensively and cite other scholars in my field, but I'm allowed, no, I'm actually encouraged to say something new, something that will not have critical evidence to support it yet, because it's my view.

I feel like raising my hand and asking, "You know this is me we're talking about right? Sara Brio? From Anaheim, CA? I'm no genius, I stick my foot in my mouth several upon several times each class session, and I didn't see ANY of the plot twists in Twilight coming! You seriously want to trust me to add to the canon of literary criticism? Fool, you cray cray!"

Perhaps, one day, someone will refer to my dissertation, my paper as evidence for their assertions.

I can't decide if this is freakin' awesome or downright insane, so I'm going to go watch some BBC television under my fluffy duvet with my tiny owl pillow (named Paco Anu Nani) in case it's the latter.

Dissertation Lowdown: 12,000-15,000 words to go. Title: Unknown. Topic: Submitted! Mood:Thisisreallyrealnowandfeelsverybigandscarilyimportant.

And now for something completely different...

This post is dedicated to Jacqueline Ward Bunch-my amazing Grandma-who inspires and encourages me to make my voice heard and my country proud :) I love you Grandma!

I'm currently reading Wuthering Heights for my Bronte's module and it is fantastically gothic...in a creepy, Iwanttopossessyoursoul kind of way. What is interesting is that, at the same time, I also sent in my absentee ballot this afternoon. And no, in case you're wondering, this will not be a post comparing Obama to the possibly possessed Heathcliff, sorry if that's what you were hoping to read.

I was simply musing on the juxtaposition of Heathcliff's oppressive dominion over his son, or for that matter, everyone who is associated with him, and my freedom to vote. I'm about the least political person you will ever meet, but living in another country and reading Victorian texts has brought democratic ideals to the forefront of my mind. Despite the fact that I'm thousands of miles away, I'm still an American citizen, and my voice can still be heard. I am one insignificant, itty-bitty tadpole in a massive ocean of  brilliant Brits, punctilious Prime Ministers, and the quintessential Queen herself, but, assuming my ballot arrives in sunny CA by November 6, I can proudly say that I said my piece, or rather "Completely filled in the bubble next to the candidate's name."

It took five minutes, a short walk into town, and £1.28, but to me, it felt like one of the most meaningful tasks I've accomplished since my arrival in England. The other being that Callie and I discovered how to effectively utilize ASDA's grocery delivery service.

[Side note: we had PUMPKINS delivered today! Complete with a carving kit! YAY FALL!!!]

So those are my rambling thoughts of today. If you entirely loathe political pieces, I hope you skipped straight down to the bit about the pumpkins.

Also, I'm including a link to the Puppini Sister's fantastic rendition of Kate Bush's ode to Wuthering Heights.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rYEiERfKqU


Dissertation Lowdown: 12,000-15,000 words to go. Title: Unknown. Topic: Known! Mood: EhI'llworryaboutitlater.

"Humbled to the dust"

The irony of the fact that I promised few posts and have since posted twice in one day is not lost on me. It's like the time I swore I would be a strict teacher and then the first day of class ended up dancing and making up a song about grammar. But I digress.

Last week, I met with one of my professors to discuss the topic for my dissertation. I brought in three ideas thinking, "He's going to be SUPES impressed that I have three options! He'll tell me which he likes most and I'll have a topic by the end of the day! In fact, he'll be so floored, he'll offer me a PhD right on the spot! No! Wait! He'll offer me HIS JOB!" You know the saying "Pride goeth before a fall?" Yeah. Me too...

15 minutes later, I left his office. Not one of the ideas did he promote; instead, I was told to be more narrow in my focus, really think about what I wanted to do, and basically just try again. As a words of affirmation person, this was tough for me, really tough. My mom, being the amazing mommy that she is and knowing exactly what I was feeling, immediately offered to fly over and kick, spit, and partially maim my professor, which made me feel slightly better.

Armed with my bruised ego, Callie and I then decided that attending a paper presentation by two of the PhD students would aid us in our dissertation endeavours. WRONG. The second presenter was one of those insanely brilliant people who you just stare at and ask, "What PLANET are you FROM?!" He discussed, in incredibly vague-but-at-the-same-time-it-makes-sense detail, and with reference to the TV show Community and the song "Friday" by Rebecca Black, the tenets of Post-Post-Modernism (because regular post-modernism is SO 2001).

[Despite my bitter tone, this man is incredibly brilliant and I did enjoy his presentation immensely. Disclaimer over. Please continue]

Naturally, we felt like complete and utter imbeciles upon leaving the lecture. Now, my ego was not only bruised, it was decimated, annihilated, kaput! However, since I now found myself at the "rock bottom" of dissertation land, I could truly begin my journey.

I tend to not take criticism well, at first. Once I've swallowed my pride and accepted the fact that since I'm not Jesus, I will never be perfect, I can take the advice I've been given to heart.

I started over. I went back to the basics. And I think I now have a topic :)

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." - Proverbs 11:2

Dissertation Lowdown: 12,000-15,000 words to go. Title: Unknown. Subject: Known! Mood: GratefulforGod'slessoninhumiltyandsubsequentgraceandguidance.

Chapter the First

Per the request of my Facebook compatriots, I have succumb to the peer pressure of blogging. However, due to the strictures of an MA in Victorian Literature, I felt the need to make this scholastic in some manner. Thus, the Ditzy Dissertationer was born.

I make no promises for weekly, bi-weekly, or daily posts. I do not promise to make you laugh (though I will endeavour to do so), cry, or smile with the brilliance of my prose. I simply promise to relay my experiences as I experience them. Love or hate me accordingly (but please love me! Please oh please oh pleeeeeeeease love me!).

Dissertation Lowdown: 12,000-15,000 words to go. Title: Unknown. Subject: Unknown. Mood: Abouttopullmyhairoutwithanxiety.