Last week, I turned in the first 2,000 words of my dissertation (applause is not required...but appreciated). It was both thrilling and terrifying and, for most of the week, I just wanted to throw up. One day, I quarantined myself in the Brotherton Library and worked on almost every single floor at varying points throughout the day. Then I completely lost it and found myself doing yoga in the courtyard outside at 10:30 at night, to the mortification/amusement of campus security (I invited them to join in...they declined). After that rather psychotic episode, I tried another method: working at my dorm with my fellow Sub-Warden. This was a very different vibe, but equally productive. Plus, we would randomly burst into song at various points of the work experience, which helped boost morale.
Eventually, I'm not exactly sure how, I finished 2,000 words. To celebrate, I watched The Bachelor with Callie. Don't judge. LONG LIVE TIERRA'S EYEBROW!
Though this is the hardest academic assignment I have completed in my academic life thus far, because of the nature of what I am researching, I was blessed with some incredible spiritual encouragement this week. Part of my research involved reading some of George MacDonald's Unspoken Sermons. While reading, I came across one of those incredible quotes that you find when you least expect them:
'You must come out of this bondage of the law to which you give the name of grace, for there is little that is gracious in it. You will yet know the dignity of your high calling, and the love of God that passeth knowledge. He is not afraid of your presumptuous approach to him. It is you who are afraid to come near him. He is not watching over his dignity [...] It is you who think so much about your souls and are so afraid of losing your life, that you dare not draw near to the Life of life, lest it should consume you.'This was one of those quotes that make you stop, sit back, and simply say 'Whoa.' I was expecting to find a quote to support my point that MacDonald believed fairy tales to be a God-given, mystical form to communicating divine revelation; instead, I found a spiritual teaching that slams straight to the heart of my own insecurities and misunderstandings regarding God, a concept that challenges my doubts and fears and leaves me bowed before God in humble adoration and thankfulness.
I'm still terrified about my two upcoming essays and insanely difficult Icelandic test this Friday. I will probably still procrastinate (I hear Supernatural calling out to my from the tempting open Netflix tab). But at least I know that all the research and writing I'm doing has a point and a purpose, if for no other reason than to turn my heart back to my Saviour in worship.
Dissertation Lowdown: 10,000-13,000 words to go. Title: Due This Week. Topic: Using Gothic Constructs and Folklore Structures to Discuss Christianity. Mood:Ughughughughugh.
